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19 February 2012 @ 12:58 pm
Fic: Bitter vs Sweet  
Title: Bitter vs Sweet
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1450
Pairings/Characters: Kurt/Blaine, Santana
Spoilers: Heart
Summary: Kurt, Blaine and Santana discuss their Valentine's Day ups and downs.

Another Klaintana friendship ficlet that follows I Will Stand with You at the Gates of Hell and Conversations with Spoons.

The day after Sugar's Valentine's party finds them in Blaine's bed. Santana is in front, as usual, hugging one of Blaine's pillows to her chest, Kurt snuggled up behind her, hands entwined with Blaine's (who is once again playing the part of Big Spoon) and resting lightly on Santana's hip.

“Someone actually complained, can you believe that shit?” Santana says, her fingers idly stroking over the boys' joined hands. “Some goddamn bible-thumper. Our lips hardly even touched. Seriously. I'll show you.” She turns around in Kurt's awkward embrace and faces him and Blaine. “Come here, Prancey.” She quirks a finger at Kurt. “You're most like a girl.”

Kurt glares at her while Blaine shakes his head. “Kurt isn't a girl.”

She rolls her eyes. “I didn't mean it like that. Look, I know he's got a huge package downstairs, alright? I saw him in his underoos tons of times when he was a Cheerio. I just mean he smells good and is pretty and stuff. And Britt says his lips taste like coconut milk.”

Kurt looks about ready to argue, then pauses and shrugs. “That's the weirdest compliment I have ever received.”

“You're welcome,” Santana tells him with a grin. “So pucker up and I'll demonstrate mine and Britts' non-kiss.”

Kurt throws his head back, nearly hitting Blaine in the face. “What? No way.”

“Oh, it's fine, Kurt,” Blaine says and pats him on the shoulder.

Kurt takes a deep breath and rolls his eyes and that's enough permission for Santana. She leans in and just as her lips are about to brush against Kurt's she whispers, “he's totally perving on this, you know.” Kurt barely even feels her mouth against his before she's pulling away and licking her lips.

“Hmm...” She licks her lips again and waggles her eyebrows suggestively. “You do taste good. Now I wants me some tongue.” Kurt pulls back with a squeak as she laughingly dives at him, turning quickly in Blaine's arms and pressing his face against his neck. He grumbles against the warm skin when he feels the vibration of his boyfriend's laughter.

Santana rubs his back as Blaine continues to laugh. “I'm only teasing, you big baby,” she says.

Kurt huffs and turns back around to face Santana, who has settled herself on his pillow, her hair fanned out around her and a small smile on her face. “But seriously,” he says. “That was it? I barely even felt your lips.”

“I know!” she replies, the smile disappearing and a deep furrow appearing between her eyebrows.

“Finn and Rachel are always sucking on each others' tonsils in the middle of the hall and no one says a word.”

“That's exactly what I said!”

“Disgusting,” Kurt says with a shudder.

“Damn straight,” she agrees, making a gagging noise.

“Not nice guys,” Blaine chastises them, though they can hear the smile in his voice.

“Anyway,” Santana continues, playfully rolling her eyes at Blaine. “Everybody can kiss my sweet ass. I won in the end because I got those JC freaks to serenade Britt for me and then she and I totally macked out on the dance floor. And then we went back to my place and got our scissoring on.”

“Ugh,” Kurt says with a grimace. “No details.”

“Oh, don't be such a prude, Queen Victoria. You two def got busy here last night. Hold up – you did change these sheets, right?”

“No comment,” Blaine answers.

“Gross. I'm probably lying in a puddle of your dead sperm as we speak.” She pats the bed between herself and Kurt. “It's okay, guys and gals. You died for a good cause.”

“You are truly deranged – ” Kurt starts, only to be interrupted by Blaine.

“Well, at least we all had a great end to our Valentine's Day.”

“Hells yeah. Hey Kurt, I meant to ask you – what was up with that gorilla following you around all day anyway?”

Kurt's eyes go wide and he snuggles into Blaine's arms which are tightening around him. “It was a Gorilla Gram. It was... it was Karofsky.”

Santana pulls a face. “Dave was making a play for you? That's sort of... well, creepy as fuck is the first thing that comes to mind, actually.”

Kurt looks relieved by her response. “God, I know! I felt like I was going to throw up when he took off that mask.”

“What the hell did you say? Thanks for stalking me in that scary fucking costume, now please excuse me while I go fuck my boyfriend?”

“Er... I was much gentler than that, but I guess that was the gist of it. Like – you did all of these terrible things to me and then I'm nice to you a couple of times and suddenly you think you're in love with me? I couldn't think of a kind way to tell him he needs therapy. So I said I only like him as a friend and I'm with Blaine. Then I felt bad because he got all teary and took off.”

You felt bad, after everything he did? Damn, Twinkerbell, you used to be such an icy bitch. Sexing it up with the Rainbow Maker back there has melted you down to your gooey centre. It's more than a little disconcerting.”

Blaine laughs a little. “Kurt is just a very sweet and forgiving person.”

“But seriously, though, you shouldn't feel bad in the least. He has no right to come to you after everything he did and expect you to save him or some shit. That's not your job. He can talk to me if he needs someone who gets it and I'll be his friend. But you – no. There's way too much designer baggage there. He's totally out of line. Don't even waste a moment's thought on it.”

“She's right, Kurt. I get that you feel bad for upsetting him, but he also upset you just by coming around and I really hope he understands that. Forgiving someone doesn't mean that you forget what they did. And that's okay.” Blaine rubs soothing circles into Kurt's hip and curls to the side to kiss him on the cheek.

“Poor, sweet Porcelain,” Santana coos. “It's not your fault that you're such a perfect specimen of gayhood.”

“Er... I take it back. That is the weirdest compliment anyone has ever paid me.”

“Weirder than tasting like coconut milk? You're definitely sweet, but I think I need a better sample before I can confirm that one.” She surges forward, lips puckered and Kurt twists in Blaine's arms again.

“Blaine, tell her to stop trying to make out with me,” Kurt mock-whines as Blaine shakes with laughter. “Don't laugh. You're not supposed to laugh!” Kurt reaches back and gives Blaine a sharp smack on the ass.

“Did you just spank Blainers' bubble butt? Wanky. Look boys, as much as I enjoy hearing about it after the fact, I really don't want to be present for your little sex games.”

Kurt momentarily forgets that he is hiding from Santana's lips and turns his head to look her in the eye. “When did you hear about it after the fact?” he asks, his face colouring. Santana throws him a wink as Blaine shakes with laughter all around him. “Oh my God. Blaine Anderson, I cannot believe you told her about that.”

“We were comparing notes. You should tie him up next time. Makes it extra hot.”

“Oh my God,” Kurt says again. “I'm leaving now.” He tries to get up off the bed, but Blaine tightens his hold, his arms slipping around Kurt's wriggling torso as he laughs. Santana joins in after a moment, her long fingers digging into Blaine's side, extracting gasps and peels of choked-off laughter. Kurt manages to wiggle free of his boyfriend with her help and his fingers grab Blaine's other side. Blaine flails on the bed, tears streaming from his eyes.

“Hey!” he shouts with a gasp. “Why are you.... AH!... ganging up on... me. I didn't do any... thing...”

“Because it's fun,” Kurt replies, sliding his fingers up to find Blaine's most ticklish spot – under his chin. “That is true, though.” He stops torturing Blaine and the two boys stare at Santana.

“No freaking way – ”

And they pounce, bringing her down. She is squirming and shrieking with laughter half a second later, trying to strike out at both of them with her fists. “I'm bringing Britt along next time,” she gasps. “This is totally unfair.”

vjv5vjv5 on February 19th, 2012 06:24 pm (UTC)
This verse is so awesome. I love every fic in it. This one in particular is adorable and funny and awesome and I love it!! Thank you! (This is totally my headcanon btw).
Jazz Dalekwater_nix on February 23rd, 2012 11:49 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm really glad you enjoyed them. :)
i'm wide awake, it's morningyou_explode on February 19th, 2012 06:44 pm (UTC)
*________* I'm pretty sure cuddles with these three were exactly what I needed to read after that episode, and I didn't even realize it. Your Santana is one of the best I've ever read, too, I love her, and I loved this --

He has no right to come to you after everything he did and expect you to save him or some shit. That's not your job. He can talk to me if he needs someone who gets it and I'll be his friend. But you – no. There's way too much designer baggage there. He's totally out of line.

because YEP. Pretty sure the end was my favourite part, though. :D
Jazz Dalekwater_nix on February 23rd, 2012 11:51 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much! I really needed to write it too. And I need to write something even more cuddly after this week's episode. :/
shadowc44shadowc44 on February 19th, 2012 07:00 pm (UTC)
Oh, please, have her bring Britt next time, seriously! It will be even more awkward and hilarious! This is such a fun verse, thank you.
Jazz Dalekwater_nix on February 23rd, 2012 11:52 pm (UTC)
I am planning on Britt being involved in the next spooning session. Thanks! :)
whiterose0328whiterose0328 on February 19th, 2012 07:25 pm (UTC)
Oh my Klaintana heart! Best verse ever!

Seriously, I love your Santana. (Is is bad that I like your Santana than canon Santana?)

Oh, are we going to get Brit in on the action cause the conversation those four would have would be hilarious!
Jazz Dalekwater_nix on February 23rd, 2012 11:54 pm (UTC)
Oh, thank you! <3 Santana is definitely bringing Britt along next time. ;)
warble_onwarble_on on February 19th, 2012 07:42 pm (UTC)
Your Santana is brilliant! I loved this.
Jazz Dalekwater_nix on February 23rd, 2012 11:54 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
Jet Girl: Jubileechance_medley on February 19th, 2012 09:27 pm (UTC)
Yes! Bring Brittany next time!

Adorable as always. As far as I'm concerned, this is canon.
Jazz Dalekwater_nix on February 23rd, 2012 11:54 pm (UTC)
She'll be there! And thank you. :)
... and don't call me Shirley!: Aaron C.jejo763 on February 19th, 2012 10:42 pm (UTC)
I love the way you write Santana. Lying on a "dead sperm" and then patting them. LOL! I also love this verse so, so much!
Jazz Dalekwater_nix on February 23rd, 2012 11:55 pm (UTC)
Haha, thanks! I'm glad you share my odd sense of humour. :D
selaneenselaneen on February 19th, 2012 11:03 pm (UTC)
Oh Santana how I adore you!
I love that they can share and vent and snuggle together.
Jazz Dalekwater_nix on February 23rd, 2012 11:57 pm (UTC)
CrimsonQuills: Glee_BlaineSmilecrimsonquills on February 19th, 2012 11:16 pm (UTC)
This friendship is epic and perfect. I can't get enough of it. *grins*
Jazz Dalekwater_nix on February 23rd, 2012 11:58 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
kacibowenkacibowen on February 20th, 2012 12:36 am (UTC)
Love it! Blaine totally would share with Santana. :)
Jazz Dalekwater_nix on February 23rd, 2012 11:59 pm (UTC)
Haha, yes he would. I don't think he would be shy about it in the least. Thanks! :)
Annewopt70 on February 20th, 2012 02:35 am (UTC)
I LOVE this group!!!!!!! They're the BEST!
Jazz Dalekwater_nix on February 24th, 2012 12:00 am (UTC)
I love them too! Thank you. :)
thejadesabre923thejadesabre923 on February 20th, 2012 03:09 am (UTC)
Love this verse. Blaine is totally Santana's Dyke Tyke.
Jazz Dalekwater_nix on February 24th, 2012 12:00 am (UTC)
fara1903fara1903 on February 20th, 2012 07:32 am (UTC)
That was a nice scene between them!
Jazz Dalekwater_nix on February 24th, 2012 12:00 am (UTC)
Thank you! :)
Kat: Glee - Kurt2shades_of_glay on February 21st, 2012 10:45 pm (UTC)
I'm really enjoying this series! Fantastic! I hope you continue with it! ^_^
Jazz Dalekwater_nix on February 24th, 2012 12:02 am (UTC)
Thanks! I'm definitely continuing it. It helps me cope with the bits of episodes that I don't like. So I'm sure I'll be writing a ton more.

(Your icon is gorgeous!)
The Creativatorravenpan on March 25th, 2012 10:22 pm (UTC)
Yes I 'm definitely in love with their friendship the way you write them :D