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10 September 2012 @ 09:32 pm
Fic: Hail to Whatever You Found in the Sunlight That Surrounds You 8/12  
Title: Hail to Whatever You Found in the Sunlight That Surrounds You
Artist: tortugax
Word Count: 30 400
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Blaine/Kurt, Cooper, Mr. & Mrs. Anderson, Burt/Carole, minor OCs
Warnings: homophobia, mention of gaybashing and bullying, underage drinking
SummaryOn the third of August in Blaine Anderson's ninth year, something momentous happens: he sees a boy crying on the beach and decides to do something about it. What he gets in return is a best friend, a confidant, an ally to help him through the ups and downs. They spend one month together every summer. One perfect month until they are old enough to escape together. Eleven Augusts and the letters in between.

Sixteen – August 2010: The Summer When Kurt Doesn't Show

Blaine has been there a week, alone and melancholy. Without Kurt he sees the real side of things – the beach sand harsh and the rocks sharp and the wind biting and the briny scent of the sea putrid. The people are faceless – an ever-revolving crop of vacationers. None of it matters. Blaine feels lost.

He sits on a large chunk of sun-bleached driftwood and watches the gulls fight over a pile of fries that someone had overturned and left. He can't quite seem to shake the horrible feeling that he will never see Kurt again and that what happened between them the summer before had meant far less to Kurt than it had to him. He misses Kurt. He doesn't want to be in their places without him. He goes to all of them anyway.

He sends a text: I miss you so much it's like a physical ache, and regrets it immediately. Kurt doesn't respond.

Two days later and Blaine is once again staring out at an ocean full of everything and nothing, his phone clasped in his hand. He has long since stopped beating himself up for sending his thoughts and feelings out into the ether so heedlessly. Now he only feels numb. Kurt has always been his safe place. He doesn't have a safe place anymore.

“It feels that way to me, too,” he hears from behind, the sound of the voice, silver bells, distorted by the cruel winds.

Blaine turns around so fast he nearly falls off of his driftwood perch. And Kurt is there. He looks out of breath and flushed, his jeans and button up and light, knotted scarf too much for the location and weather. “Where did you –? How are you – ?” Blaine stumbles over his words and shakes his head. He doesn't know why Kurt has changed his mind. “I thought you had to work with your dad.”

Kurt shrugs and comes forward, his feet slipping and sliding in the sand. Shoes are such a nuisance on the beach. Blaine wants Kurt to take them off. He wants to turn back time and make it three weeks ago and to have never gotten the message that Kurt wasn't coming after all.

Kurt sinks down next to him, all grace, and then fiddles nervously with his scarf – two conflicting actions that are each so very Kurt. They sit in silence for a long moment. It is not the comfortable silences of years past. Blaine can tell that Kurt is thinking, grouping the perfect words together before spitting them out. He does this often, but it rarely takes him this long. Blaine has decided to keep his words to himself before he does any further damage with them.

“I missed you,” Kurt finally says. Simple and quiet and achingly to the point. And Blaine finally understands his opening statement: It feels that way to me, too.

I miss you so much it's like a physical ache.

Blaine's breath catches and he turns his eyes on Kurt who looks back, teary and miserable. “I'm sorry,” he says quietly. “I'm sorry I was so afraid.”


“To come. I was afraid to come here.”

And Blaine gets it. He feels like a hole opens in his chest then, shredding his insides and leaving them tumbling out all over the sand. Kurt didn't want to have to face him. Everything that they have ignored for the past year, in their phone calls and in their letters, those things would be impossible to ignore once they were face to face. And Kurt didn't want to have to deal with it. With him. With what had happened between them. “Because of last summer?” he manages to get out. “You regret it.”

Kurt's eyes widen and he shakes his head, his perfect red lips forming a surprised O. “I – No. No. Absolutely not. It's just that... well, it's just the opposite. I... Blaine.” The way Kurt is regarding him, like he wants Blaine to read his meaning just by looking at his face, that he wants him to understand without having to be told. But Blaine doesn't understand, doesn't know just by looking. He does feel less panicked, his heart beat slowing from frenzied to a simple pounding, because just the opposite must be something good. Something that he wants.

“I'm in love with you, Blaine,” Kurt says, his eyes tearing up and his face crumpling just a little as he looks down and begins to once again fiddle with the ends of his scarf. He looks despondent. Blaine doesn't understand why, when his own brain feels like it is short circuiting with all of the overwhelming breadth of things that are going on within. He wants to take Kurt in his arms; he wants to jump around and cheer; he wants to kiss Kurt until their lips are sore; but what he needs to do before all of that is speak, say something back. Kurt's shoulders are rounded, his body closing in on itself. He doesn't understand. How did the two of them get so mixed up?

“Oh, Kurt,” Blaine says. He lays his hands on each of Kurt's hunched shoulders and gently rolls them back until Kurt meets his eyes. “I love you, too. I always have.” He leans forward and presses his forehead against Kurt's and closes his eyes. They both let out a sigh. “Since the moment we met you have been the most special, most important thing in the world to me.”

“We should go to the cave, Blaine. Because I really need to kiss you.”


The tide is all the way in so they have to wade into the cave. Kurt has removed his shoes and rolled his jeans up as high as he can – which is not very high, as they are the tightest jeans that Blaine has ever seen. Blaine chuckles at him and receives a playful glare in return. He is so glad to have his Kurt back that he wants to whoop with joy. He offers to piggyback Kurt in instead. He receives another death glare before Kurt plops into the water, jeans and all, and makes his way in through the opening in the rock. Blaine follows after him with a grin, the water barely brushing the bottoms of his shorts.

He is accosted as soon as he sets foot inside the rocks walls of the cave – taken around the waist and pressed up against the smooth limestone and kissed within an inch of his life. Kurt's lips are silky and wet and Blaine can taste faint traces of the sea salt in his mouth. He whimpers and submits, opening up for more of Kurt's tongue and going limp in his arms, completely at his mercy.

Being at Kurt's mercy is a wonderful thing.

Blaine raises his arms above his head, his fingers scrabbling against the rock, looking for purchase, anything to hold onto. But they slip down over and over, the wall too smooth from years of sea water pounding over it. Kurt slides his hands up Blaine's arms and winds their fingers together and presses Blaine's hands back against the cool smoothness, tilting his head to deepen their kiss even further, turning it wet and dirty. Blaine moans into his mouth, tightening his grip on Kurt's fingers, and moans again as Kurt presses his hands more firmly against the solid rock. And Blaine finds himself trying to form words, trying for some sort of coherency that just does not want to come to him. Kurt seems to understand. He untangles their fingers and moves his hands to Blaine's hips, hefting him up slightly so his legs can wrap around Kurt's waist. He pushes Blaine's body back, leaning him against a ledge to distribute his weight, and then presses in closer. Blaine can feel him – the hard outline of him through his soaked jeans and he jerks his hips forward, wanting friction, wanting the press of that hot hardness.

“Blaine,” Kurt breathes against his lips, then slides down, mouthing and gasping against Blaine's jaw and chin and throat as he goes. He sucks on his Adam's apple and Blaine's hips jerk forward once more, this time coming up against Kurt's own, the delicious, achingly hard length of him right there, and then Kurt cants his hips and they are together. They groan in unison. Blaine looks Kurt in the eye for a moment before grabbing him by the ass and pulling Kurt towards him just as he thrusts forward.

It only takes a minute of urgent, uncoordinated rutting before they are both crying out and jerking erratically and coming in their pants.

“Um,” Kurt says, slowly and carefully dropping Blaine back to the ground. “I really did only intend to kiss you...”

Blaine laughs and buries his head against Kurt's shoulder. “It's okay though, right?” Now he is second guessing himself, though he is sure that Kurt had been joking. It's so difficult for him to just accept Kurt's love at face value. With everyone else there has always been a catch.

Kurt presses a chaste kiss to Blaine's sore, swollen lips and nods his head. He pulls back and glances down at himself, screwing up his face. “I thought wet jeans felt disgusting... This is even worse.”

“Maybe we should go out into the water and rinse our pants out,” Blaine suggests, his face warming. He can see that Kurt is rather pink himself, even in the shadows of the cave.

“I'm going to have to take mine off completely.”

“I won't look if you don't want me to.”

Kurt watches him for a moment, a small smile on his lips. “I don't mind,” he finally says, and Blaine hears his own breath catch.

He ends up having to help Kurt out of his sodden jeans, the two of them laughing the entire time. They stand shoulder to shoulder in the water, rinsing out their underwear. “The fish are going to eat it,” Blaine says to lighten the serious mood that has suddenly fallen over them.

“That's gross, Blaine.”

“I know. But still true.”

Kurt huffs a laugh. “Just because it's true doesn't mean you need to say it out loud,” he says, snapping the waistband of his wet briefs to try and dislodge the mess within. Blaine starts to giggle. Soon they're holding onto each other, laughing into each others' hair. “You're a fool,” Kurt tells him fondly.

“You love me anyway.”

“Anyway? It's one of the reasons I love you most.” Kurt looks down at Blaine and Blaine is forced to close his eyes against the depth of emotion he sees in Kurt's.

“Kurt?” he whispers. Kurt hums in response and traces a cold, wet fingertip around Blaine's right eye and over the slope of his nose. “We're gonna talk about it this time, right?”

“Yes. Yes, of course.”


The In-Between – Year Eight: Assorted letters and texts, something terrible and a missing shoe.

Sent at 6:27PM
From Kurt<3 (my boyfriend!)

I cannot find my favorite shoe. I feel like Cinderella. Did you happen across it, my prince?

Sent at 7:01PM
From Blaine xx

Muahahahaha! I shall issue my demands for its safe return at midnight on the twenty-fifth.

Sent at 7:03PM
From Kurt<3 (my boyfriend!)

I am gasping in shock here, Blaine. I must see that it's all right or you get nothing!

Sent at 7:06PM
From Blaine xx


Sent at 12:00AM
From Blaine xx

I demand one picture of my boyfriend's beautiful face. Send it to me asap & I will return your shoe via the US Postal Service. You have one day.

Sent at 6:53AM
From Kurt<3 (my boyfriend!)


Sent at 6:56AM
From Blaine xx

Oh. Wow. I will return your shoe this very morning.

Sent at 6:59AM
From Blaine xx

Just for the record, you are the most breathtaking creature in the entire universe. I am besotted. xx


Dear Blaine,

First off I just have to say – I miss you a lot. I'm really glad you sent me that text and that I stopped being so stubborn and frightened and came to see you. Because that is why I go – to see you. After that first summer it was the only thing that kept me from throwing myself on the floor and clinging to Dad's leg and refusing to leave the house when it was time to go to the airport. But I digress...

I was so petrified you didn't feel that way about me that I almost stayed behind and missed out on the most important month of my year. If only you could have heard the way Mercedes and Rachel yelled at me. They are big fans of yours, even without meeting you. That only goes to show how much I gush.

Anyway, what I am trying to say, in amongst all of this off-topic meandering, is that I'm sorry, Blaine. I hurt you by not showing up and for being practically silent and for being too afraid to talk about what happened between us last year. I don't want that to ever happen again. You are too important.

Seriously, if I'm ever being stupid like that again please yell at me. I might give you the silent treatment for a few days because I am as stubborn as the day is long, but I will get over it and admit you were right. God, I miss you like crazy. I want to put my head on your shoulder. (You're singing the Paul Anka song now, aren't you? Is it eerie how well I know you?) I want to rest back against the rock and have you sitting between my legs with your head on my chest. I want to be able to do those things whenever I want. Life isn't right when I can't. Sometimes being so far away from you makes it really difficult to breathe.

I love you.



Sent at 3:45PM
From: Kurt<3 (my boyfriend!)

UGH. Mr. Schue is so unoriginal. Boys vs Girls?! And of course he tells me I can't be on the girls' team yet again. I swear he thinks I want to BE a girl, but I just want to be on a team that actually treats me with respect.

Sent at 3:46PM
From: Kurt<3 (my boyfriend!)

Also, his choice of sweater vest was eye-burningly atrocious today. Do people even look in the mirror before they leave their homes?


Sent at 5:56PM
From: Kurt<3 (my boyfriend!)

At the hospital again. No change. I don't know what to do. Blaine, what will I do?

Sent at 6:01PM
From: Blaine xx

I wish I was with you. It'll be ok, Kurt. It'll be ok. I love you.

Sent at 6:35PM
From: Kurt<3 (my boyfriend!)

Carole is making me eat. She says hi. She used you as an excuse to guilt trip me into eating. I still like her anyway. And also you.


My Dearest Kurt,

I wish more than anything that I could have been there with you over this past week. I begged and pleaded with my mother to let me fly to Ohio, but as you can tell by my absence, she refused. I was even considering taking off without her permission, but the last thing you need right now is to be in the middle of my parental issues. I am so, so relieved and blissfully happy that your dad is awake and doing well. I know how worried you still are, but please don't clam up and stop talking again, Kurt. And look after yourself as well as your father. You know you are just as important to him as he is to you. And you are also so, so important to me. The most important of all. I love you so much, Kurt, and the thought of you being all alone and hurting like you have been just kills me. I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you when you needed me to be. I promised that I would be and I couldn't deliver on that promise. I'm sorry.

I know that we've been speaking on the phone and texting while you're at the hospital, but I just needed to put pen to paper and tell you how much I care and regret not being around. Life will be so much brighter when we no longer have to be separated for 11 months of the year. It was painful being away from you before, but now that we're together as we are it's so much harder to go through every day without being able to see you smile or frown or hear your beautiful voice. The bad things seem easier with you next to me and nothing hurts quite as much when you are on my side.

The council has been asking for suggestions for competition songs and the ones I find myself suggesting are all very similar. Wes asked me if there was something we needed to talk about after the title of about the 20th sappy lovesong about missing your sweetheart came out of my mouth. I am pathetic. I don't even want to tell you the extent of my patheticness in fear that you will tell me I am freaking you out and you want me to keep far away from you for the rest of time. I may or may not have a photo of you under my pillow. The latter if you think that is weird and/or creepy. So yeah, I don't. Or not really. It's just on my nightstand. Or something. Really it is.

What do you want for Christmas, anyway? (Not a distraction from my awkward confessions. At all.) Before you ask, there is nothing I want besides you (my boyfriend!) with a big, red bow tied around you. Maybe next year, though more likely the year after that. (If you could see my face – it is the perfect visual representation of my patheticness.)

I can't wait for New York, Kurt. I can't wait to be with you all of the time. Imagine never having to say goodbye at the end of August every summer, knowing we won't see each other for an entire year. That is always the worst day of my year. God I miss you. And love you. Being without you (and especially right now, when you cry on the phone it kills me not to be able to take you in my arms), it's the worst kind of torture. I just need you to know that I think about you always. And sometimes at inopportune moments when I should have my attention focused elsewhere. Like in English class when the teacher asks me questions about King Lear and I answer “Kurt. Um... what?” and everyone thinks I'm probably on something. Everyone besides the Warblers. They just mock me about it for weeks afterward.

Anyway, all of this to say: I miss you. I love you. I wish more than anything that I could be there with you to hold you tight. I've been writing you a song and I'll sing it to you over Skype.

My whole heart and all the rest of me,



P.S. Tell Carole thank you for taking care of you. And tell your dad to feel better and allow himself to be babied for a while. I think you need to do it almost as much as he needs it.

P.P.S. Once again, I love and adore you and you are beautiful.


My Dear Blaine,

I am trying to write you letters, though I know it doesn't happen as often as you'd like. I've been in such a funk since everything that happened with Dad. It's difficult to get back into the swing of things, though the doctors say he is out of the woods. I have him on an extremely strict diet still, even after the wedding and Carole and Finn being here and my not always being in charge of the food anymore. I snapped at Carole the other morning because I thought she was feeding Dad breakfast sausages. They were for Finn. God, I felt terrible. I STILL feel terrible. But I can't just shut it off, you know? I've been looking after Dad since Mom died and I can't simply stop because he has a new wife. I'm trying. But he's too important to me and you know as well as I do that I am a total control freak when it comes to anything important to me. You did know that, right? Probably best if you do seeing as you're my boyfriend now and are right up there with my dad in the Important to Kurt Hummel category.

I hope things are going well at school and home. I know it's still tense around your dad. Have you heard from Cooper lately? I miss your Cooper stories. He would fit in so well with my friends here. They are all on the wrong side of loopy. A few of the girls and Artie nearly swooned when I told them your brother was the star of the freecreditratingtoday.com commercials. They really flipped out when I told them I'd met him before. I left out the bit about seeing him in the midst of a very intimate act. God, can you feel my blush all the way in Boston? It's been YEARS. Why am I still so embarrassed?

I've got to get back to practice I suppose. Even though Mr. Schue has been just as predictable with the competition solos as is usual. It's so frustrating! You know what would be amazing? If both our glee clubs made it to nationals. Then I could see you months early! Something to strive for. It will make me sway extra fabulously in the background. Also, our costumes are hideous. I almost walked out. Not even kidding.

I've read this over and it is not nearly sappy enough to be kept as a love letter or whatever you want it for. How shall I ever correct this?

I love you. Your silly grins and your tiny smiles, and the way they both make your eyes crinkle at the corners. When you are old you will have the deepest crow's feet known to man, and I will kiss them every night. They will be all the more beloved because they will be the result of your thousands of breathtakingly gorgeous smiles.

Also, you have an ass that won't quit.

(Blushing again.)



Oh and also ooo so that doesn't look quite so dirty. Um. I feel all warm. Going to open the window. Dad gets so cold now that he must have the heat cranked in here or something. Yeah.

Love you!


Sent at 2:26PM
From Kurt<3 (my boyfriend!)

The girls have declared a mutiny and have confiscated many things near and dear to me until they get to 'meet' you. So Skype tonight? I apologize in advance.

Sent at 2:35PM
From Blaine xx

Of course! I would love to meet them too. Also, some of the Warblers want to meet you, so we'll have even more company. <3


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whisperyvoiceswhisperyvoices on April 1st, 2013 07:53 am (UTC)
!!! I'm grinning so hard! It's so SO darling of them to keep writing letters to each other. Oh Blaiiine, you poor sap. LOVE IT. I WANT TO "SEE" THAT SKYPE CALL! I love this dearly.
quin3218 on August 1st, 2013 04:52 am (UTC)
an ass that wont quit- pure gold!!!!